Bryn Mawr College

Tips and Suggestions

1. Actively listen.

Each person involved should have uninterrupted time to explain their perspective. Keep a pencil and paper handy so that you can make notes of things to which you would like to respond. Avoid formulating a response until the other person is done speaking. Summarize what you have heard and ask if you have understood properly.

2. Choose the proper time and place to initiate dialogue.

Avoid confrontation when you are tired, hungry, or limited by time. Make sure you are rested and calm enough to deal with the situation rationally. If you need to postpone a conversation, make arrangements for the future.

3. Prepare.

Think about the reasons you have a problem. Think about how to clearly communicate your issues to the other people involved. If you need to, practice role-play with your Customs Person or Hall Adviser.

4. Separate the people from the problem.

Avoid personal attacks. Speak from your experience and avoid blame.

5. Focus on interests, not positions.

If you ask yourself why you want something, you may be able to find creative solutions to meet that need. If you get stuck defending a particular position, you may not be able to see alternative scenarios through which your underlying interests can be met.

6. Search for creative solutions that benefit all parties.

Brainstorming many ideas without criticism can be a great way to explore different ways to meet your needs. Working with all interested parties, write down as many ideas as possible that address various aspects of your situation. After you have many ideas, then you can troubleshoot and refine them to craft an agreement.

7. Think about what will happen if the problem remains unaddressed.

Do you have other options? What’s the worst thing that could happen? Sometimes, acknowledging the worst-case scenario can help motivate you to work to solve the issue.

8. Balance emotions with reason.

Conflicts are often emotional, but emotions can get in the way of effective problem solving. Acknowledge both your emotions and those of others involved, but learn to see past them to find rational possibilities for solutions.

9. Work to understand other perspectives.

Often, conflict arises as a result of perspectives that we don’t understand. Attempting to see a situation from another point of view doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with the other person, but it can help you approach the problem comprehensively.

10. Be reliable.

Be honest and open in your communication. If there is an agreement that comes out of discussion, uphold it both in letter and spirit.

11. Use Your Resources.

If you need help, contact CMS for assistance through ARGH!, Mediation, Facilitated Dialogue, your Dean, Residential Life, a Counselor, a Customs Person or Hall Adviser.

Many of the tips on this page are taken from Getting to Yes (2nd ed., 1991), by Roger Fisher and William Ury of the Harvard Negotiation Project. Also referenced is the sequel, Getting Together (1988), by Roger Fisher and Scott Brown.