ADVICE FROM THE FELLOWSHIP FOUNDATIONS

Both Mary Tolar and Cheryl Foster, authors of the two brief essays below, know a lot about fellowships and about what makes an effective application. Their essays provide a very useful distillation of the characteristics of successful personal statements. Read them, print them out, and refer to them when you’re in doubt.

Personal Statements: What Marshall Selection Committees Like—And Don't Like by Cheryl Foster Professor Foster is a 1981 Truman Scholar, a 1986 Marshall Scholar, and member of selection committees for both Truman and Marshall Scholarships

Definition of a Personal Statement by Mary Tolar She is a 1988 Truman Scholar and 1990 Rhodes Scholar; served as scholarships advisor at four institutions, including Willamette; and has served on national selection committees for Truman and Rhodes Scholarships. She has helped over sixty students win national scholarships.

 

Personal Statements: What Marshall Selection Committees Like—And Don't Like by Cheryl Foster

Observations on the Personal Statement
Committees look for the following:

• Strong writing skills
• A reflective personality plus an outward looking disposition
• The capacity to express thoughts and values in an efficient, yet comprehensive essay format
• Some originality or freshness of voice and perspective

And they discourage the following:

• Merely adequate, poor or unimaginative (literal) writing
• An abrasive, pretentious, or self-absorbed tone
• A pattern of writing sentences that begin with "I"
• An essay that reads like a resume of achievements and goals
• Cliches indicating very early promise ("when I was ten I was already studying calculus"); the link between oneself and the United Kingdom (such as: I studied there before and want to go back; my passions are so British I'm practically a subject!); one's drive and energy, etc.

Committees read the personal statement in the context of several other parts of the application:

• The academic major: does the candidate show a sensibility that indicates an informed and intellectually sophisticated point of view consistent with training in this major?
• List of activities, practical experience and statement of goals: do these manifest themselves as values somewhere in the essay?
• The university's letter of endorsement: does it give a portrait of the candidate that resounds with what the candidate says about him or herself?

Observations on the Proposed Course of Study
Committees look for the following:

• Evidence of intellectual breadth as well as depth
• A rigorous undergraduate curriculum
• Evidence of researching relevant U.K. institutions
• Solid justification for choosing the program cited

And they discourage the following:

• Too narrow an academic focus
• A less than consistently demanding undergraduate curriculum
• Citing an institution on the basis of prestige or general merit
• No genuine argument for choosing a program
• No second choice U.K. university mentioned or discussed

Committees read the proposed academic program in the context of several other parts of the application:

• Transcript:
  Does the applicant's level of preparation match the British program selected? Often American students apply for postgraduate programs without suitable depth of experience in the subject area.
• Experience:
  If a postgraduate degree program is cited, has the applicant undertaken independent research prior to applying? If an undergraduate degree is cited, does the applicant have sufficient background in the subject to complete the degree in two years?
• Letters of recommendation:
  Do these letters corroborate the applicant's own assessment of his/her readiness to undertake the program cited? Do they give precise reasons for the applicant's excellence?

 

Definition of a Personal Statement by Mary Tolar

If you are applying for nationally competitive scholarships, for graduate school, or for a number of post-graduate service or employment opportunities, you have seen the vaguely phrased request; in one form or another, it comes down to "tell us something about yourself."

The Rhodes and Marshall competitions require a 1000-word personal essay: the Fulbright, a "curriculum vita." You are asked to share your "academic and other interests." A clearer charge might be: compose an essay that reveals who you are, what you care about, and what you intend to do in this life. Tell this story in a compelling manner, and do so in less than a thousand words. What's so hard about that? Simply make sense of your life (right.) But what does that mean? What will it look like?

Because personal statements are personal, there is no one type or style of writing that is set out as a model. That can be liberating; it can also be maddening. But while every personal statement is unique in style, its purpose is the same.

A personal statement is your introduction to a selection committee. It determines whether you are invited to interview; and if selected as a finalist, interview questions will be based on this material. It is the heart of your application.

A personal statement is:

• A picture.
  Your personal essay should produce a picture of you as a person, a student, a potential scholarship winner, and (looking into the future) a former scholarship recipient.
• An invitation.
  The reader must be invited to get to know you, personally. Bridge the assumed distance of strangers. Make your reader welcome.
• An indication of your priorities and judgment.
  What you choose to say in your statement tells the committee what your priorities are. What you say, and how you say it, is crucial.
• A story, or more precisely, your story.
  Everyone has a story to tell, but we are not all natural storytellers. If you are like most people, your life lacks inherent drama. This is when serious self-reflection, conversation with friends, family, and mentors, and permission to be creative come in handy.

A personal statement is not:

• An academic paper with you as the subject.
  The papers you write for class are typically designed to interpret data, reflect research, analyze events or readings--all at some distance. We are taught to eliminate the "I" from our academic writing. In a personal statement your goal is to close the distance between you and the reader. You must engage on a different, more personal level than you have been trained to in college.
• A resume in narrative form.
  An essay that reads like a resume of accomplishments and goals tells the reader nothing that they could not glean from the rest of the application. It reveals little about the candidate, and is a wasted opportunity.
• A journal entry.
  While you may well draw on experiences or observations captured in your personal journal, your essay should not read like a diary. Share what is relevant, using these experiences to give a helpful context for your story. And include only what you are comfortable sharing--be prepared to discuss at an interview what you include.
• A plea or justification for the scholarship.
  This is not an invitation to "make your case." Defending an assertion that you are more deserving of the scholarship than other candidates is a wasted effort-you've likely just accomplished the opposite.
• Most importantly, a personal statement is authentic.
  Don't make the mistake of trying to guess what the committee is looking for, and don't write what you think they want to hear. They want to know you.

So, what must you include in the personal statement? An effective personal statement will answer the following questions:

• Who am I?
• Who do I want to be?
• What kind of contribution do I want to make, and how?
• Why does it make sense for me to study at Oxford (or York , LSE, Cambridge , Sussex )?

For the Rhodes , you will want to include a proposal of study, one or two paragraphs devoted to why Oxford makes sense for you. (For the Marshall and Fulbright, your "proposed academic programme" is presented separately.) Why is this the right place and program? Is it consistent with your studies and activities to date? Draw connections.

Remember the goal: grab the readers' interest, and make them want to meet you for an interview. Get a sense of the experiences and dreams you wish to share, then examine them for a helpful means of making sense of it all. You will find your story; and if you share it honestly, you will have written a personal statement.

Finally, know that writing a personal essay is hard and will take many drafts and much reflection. Don't wait until you have it right to share it with others; their input will likely make it stronger, clearer, and tighter. Don't put it off until you have it right . . . just write!

Written by Mary Hale Tolar, Deputy Executive Secretary, Truman Scholarship Foundation.

 

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