Welcome Parents!
Having your daughter begin her college career can be a stressful experience for parents, especially if your daughter hasn't lived away from home before. During this important time of transition for the family, many parents put their own feelings and reactions on hold while helping their child prepare for college life. Attending to your own emotional needs, however, as well as your daughter’s will go a long way toward helping everyone feel comfortable with the challenges that going to college represents.
Coping Strategies & "Food for Thought"
1. Recognize that feelings of ambivalence about your child's leaving home are normal. For most families, this step can seem like a dramatic separation of parent and child, although it is usually the separation of adult from almost-adult. It is normal, too, to look forward to the relative peace and quiet of having your active older adolescent out of the house and having more time for yourself.
2. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up. There is little benefit in pretending that you don't feel sad, guilty, relieved, apprehensive, or whatever feelings you do have, while your daughter is getting ready to come to college. You probably aren't fooling anyone by trying to hide your reactions; a healthier approach is to talk about them-with your family, friends, clergy, or whoever is a source of support for you.
3. Make "overall wellness" a goal for yourself. Especially during stressful times, it helps to get enough sleep, eat healthful meals regularly, and get adequate exercise. Spending some recharging time--doing the special things that you especially like--is another step toward wellness. If you are feeling good, you are more likely to have the energy to help your child and be a good role model.
4. Remember that, for your daughter, coming to college is a tremendously important developmental step toward full adulthood. It represents the culmination of 18 years in which so much time was geared toward helping prepare your daughter to assume a productive place in the world. This is the time when your hard work will show itself in the form of a framework that your daughter will use in beginning to make independent choices. Many parents find that it helps to focus on the fact that providing your daughter with this opportunity is a priceless gift. Be proud of yourself!
5. Find a new creative outlet for yourself.
You may find that taking on a new challenge is an excellent way to manage and channel your energy and feelings. Have you ever wanted to write a book; learn to fly-fish; lake a quilt; volunteer in your community; assume a new project or responsibility at work; ravel; get your own bicycle and ride all over town? Make a list of all the things you intended to do while your child was growing up, but never had the time to do. Now is your chance!
What Can I Do to Help My Child from a Distance?
Of course, you are still a parent to your budding adult, and she does still need your support and guidance during the college years. Here are some ways you can express your caring and enhance your daughter’s experience at Bryn Mawr College.
1. Stay in touch.
Even though your child is experimenting with independent choices, she still needs to know that you're there and are available. Discuss with your daughter modes of communication (texting, emailing, writing or calling) and frequency that you each might find comfortable. Be sure to communicate to your daughter that this is flexible, given that as she integrates herself into the BMC community, you and she may need to renegotiation of this arrangement.
2. Allow space for your daughter to set the agenda for some of your conversations.
If she needs help or support, the subject is more likely to come up if you aren't inquiring pointedly about what time she came in last night!
3. Be realistic with your daughter about financial matters.
Most students come to school with a fairly detailed plan about how tuition, fees, books, and room and board will be paid for, and what the family's expectations are about spending money. Being specific at the outset may help avoid misunderstandings later.
4. Be realistic as well about academic achievement and grades.
Bryn Mawr College attracts bright students from all over the world, and not every freshman who excelled academically in high school will be an all-A student here. Developing or refining the capacity to work independently and consistently and to demonstrate mastery can be more important than grades, as long as the student meets the basic academic requirements set out by the college. Again, these are choices that each individual student makes, though certainly it is appropriate to help your daughter set his or her own long-term goals.
5. If your daughter does experience difficulties at Bryn Mawr College, remind and encourage her to take advantage of the wealth of resources available for students (Hall Advisors, Customs People, deans, counselors, health professionals, coaches, professors, etc.).
If your daughter could benefit from counseling, the Counseling Service is located on campus on the lower level of the Health Center and can be accessed by telephone 24 hours a day when school is in session.
BMC Counseling Service
The Counseling Services hopes these ideas and suggestions will be helpful to you in dealing with some of the difficulties parents experience when their daughter goes to college. The freshman year at Bryn Mawr is a tremendously exciting time, both for students and their families, and we hope and trust that you and your daughter will have a rewarding year!
The Counseling Services staff welcomes any comments or questions parents may have about our services. However, parents should be aware that the Counseling Services is prevented by confidentiality laws and ethical guidelines from disclosing any information about students utilizing our services without the student’s expressed permission. Although we may not be able to reveal any information about students who use our services, we are willing to receive input from parents about their concerns. We strive to help students succeed in adjusting to college life at BMC, as well as achieving their academic goals.
Frequently Asked Questions about Counseling Services
1. How can I communicate with someone at the Counseling Services if I have a concern about my child?
Telephone the Director of the Counseling Services, Reggie Jones, during the hours of 9am-4pm at (610) 526-7360. As a matter of policy, we prefer not to send email responses. Sensitive clinical information should NOT be included in any email transmission. In the event that a parent wants to share sensitive information via email communication, you will be encouraged to call the Counseling Service to arrange a phone conversation to discuss the matter.
2. Who staff the Counseling Services?
A dedicated staff of counselors comprised of clinical social workers, psychiatrists, graduate clinical social work interns, and psychiatric residents.
3. When are the services available?
Students can call the Counseling Service Monday through Friday 9am-4pm when school is in session to make an appointment. The Health Center is open Monday 9am-Friday 11pm and Sat/Sun from 9a-3pm. During these times, if a student has a true crisis, they should dial the Health Center at 610-526-7360 and a nurse will help them get connected to the On-Call counselor. The On-Call counselor will help them come up with some strategies to manage their problem and discuss follow-up. When the Health Center is closed and a student has a true crisis, they can contact the On-Call Counselor by dialing 610-526-7778. When school is not in session, fall break, Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break and during the summer, the Counseling Service is closed and students are provided referral information for community providers.
4. Who uses the Counseling Services?
Counseling Services staff provides counseling, psychiatric, and psycho educational services to undergraduate, graduate and post–bac students within the BMC college community. Students do not have to have a “problem/crisis” to make a counseling appointment. The Counseling Service is a place where students can discuss issues around stress, life transitions, developmental needs, gender issues, family problems, interpersonal conflicts, loneliness, eating and body image issues, anxiety, depression, procrastination, and achievement conflicts. Counselors will help the student determine what kind of follow-up they might need and can provide them referral information if appropriate.
5. Where is the Counseling Services located on campus?
The Counseling Services is located on the lower level of the Health Center.
6. How much does it cost to see a counselor?
In order to make an assessment, treatment plan and appropriate referral, students may use up to six counseling visits at no charge. Students are billed for counseling visits beyond the sixth visit. In cases of financial hardship, the fee for counseling will be reduced. No one is denied needed care due to lack of financial resources.
7. What if I am concerned that my daughter is not adjusting well and she refuses to seek help, what should I do?
You are encouraged to contact your daughter’s Dean to discuss your concerns. Your daughter’s Dean can check on her current welfare. In case you believe the situation is serious to the point of endangering your daughter’s safety, you should make sure you relay this information to your daughter’s dean and/or alert Public Safety so that help can be arranged.
8. My daughter is afraid to come to the Counseling Services because the information about her visit will appear on his school record? Is she correct?
No, we take your daughter’s privacy very seriously. Counseling is strictly confidential except in unusual circumstances involving protection of life or required by law. Other members of the college community ordinarily have no information about what goes on in counseling or who visits the Counseling Services.
9. What is the Counseling Services policy on confidentiality?
Each of the Counseling Services staff is bound by legal and ethical guidelines to protect your daughter’s privacy. However, if a student threatens harm to herself or others, a counselor may be obligated to seek a higher level of care for her, or to contact family members or others to help provide protection. If such a situation arises, counselors will make every effort to fully discuss the requirements with the student before taking any action and will limit any disclosures to what is necessary in their professional judgment.
10. Want more information; check out our webpage at http://www.brynmawr.edu/healthcenter/counseling/
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